Blues Clues The Most Scandalous Days of our Lives
by puffaz
Summary: Gay themes. rnThis is the scandalicious story of Steve, a resident of an apartment flat owned by Periwinkle, his former neighbor. He explains and remembers his past romances while wanting new adventure.
1. WakeUp!

Blues Clues; The Most Scandalous Days of our Lives

(To make things less weird, pretent everyone is a human)

I wake up as usual. To the sound of my wonderfully joyous alarm clock. Always waking me up to the scents of another absolutley gorgeous day. It rings for maybe 30 seconds before I stir, but often I like to tease it instead. I'll sometimes pretend sleeping for much longer, to watch it work those arms.

I woke up with a headache. I'm not sure if this is from a few too many Long Island Ice Teas, or the sex. I remeber last night, watching the fabolous bartender mix the gin, coke and other ingridients together into a little bundle of 21 dollars. I can't recall how many I've had, maybe three, or maybe even five. All I remember is...

"STEVE WAKE UP!", yells the puffing clock. It looks slightly pissed. It gave me the same look that it gave me when I said we'd have to break it off. I ignore his wailing and remember all the fun times we had together. On the beach, me chasing the seagulls, and him tossing bread to bring more gulls our way. Or at my dear mum's nursing home, when he accdentally dropped my purse, so I bent over in front of him to pick it off the scruffy floor. Oh those times were great. If only, if, no, it wasnt meant to be.

"I'm up, you silly goose!", and then I tickled him until his buzzer squaked a low tone.

"Tee-hee-hee!", he laughed. I loved his laugh, it brough back even more memories.

I walked to the kitchen, trying to remember the way around this apartment. I can't even tell that it is my house. I open up the freezer to find what we can make when Periwinkle, the landlord comes over. He used to be my neighbor, until he bought my house and built an drab apartment building on top of my cute yellow house, with purple shutters and that chic red roof. I almost had a tear come out when I heard the knocking on my door, and the cursing coming out of that worn and dirty mouth.

"Open the fucking door, skank. Just because you give good massauges doesnt mean you can dick your way out of rent!", I hadn't heard such foul language since I had seen the movie "Slapshot". It did not impress me.

"Hold on, sweetie.", I heard him grumble something. He still had a part of me in his heart.

It started just as a little boiler problem, but then I brought him into the equasion. I had one of my most steamy breakups with him. I wont get into the details.

I opened the door, he was all sweaty and had some shaving cream on his face. I didnt question him about it.

"You are a little over-due on your rent. I think you need to come up to my place.", he was desperate for me. That most certanly wasnt shaving cream, that was his own cream of man. He wanted a partner! Not the rent that I had already dropped off.

"No way, you magic-filled silly!", the only position you like starts with a 'm' and ends with 'issionary'.

"So?"

"Yeah your right, but..I already paid the rent, so that means no sex until next month."

"Fuck you, I could kick you out of this flat if I wanted to!"

"But you won't." I'm his weakness.

"Fuck you."

He left, I heard his hard steps down to his apartment. I used to spend long, magical summer nights in that room. It was always cluttered with paper. Then I noticed what some of the papers were.

End of 1.

Please comment!

Part 2 will be 


	2. Green Puppy

Blues Clues; the Most Scandalous Days of our Lives

Part 2

Green Puppy.

There was someone new that I did not know about. Periwinkle had found a different lover. Not somebody who loved more, better, or..harder. Somebody who he had for the fun of knowing that he was cheating on me. He had more then a few bruses by the time I was done with him.

I was over. It was July 7th, or the 27th, I can't recall. He had just gotten some new curtains, that matched his new sheets. We just HAD to break the new sheets in. After the 45 minutes of juicy foreplay, we got hotter. But suddenly he had the erge to relieve himself. So while he was gone, I opened up his bed side table's little drawer. The drawer was cute, its name was Side-Table Drawer. I had given it to Periwinkle, because it meant so much to me. Inside I found my other gift to Periwinkle, my handy-dandy notebook.

"Hey Steve!", the table yelped.

"Hello, how are you?", I asked, friendly to the little quirk.

"Oh, I'm fine. How about you don't look too much in there." But his words were too late. I had already found a little candy photography.

"What the fucking Mary mother of Jesus is this?" It was a glamour shop of another. Under it was from the "after-party" of the glamour shot.

Periwinkle walked in with piss still dripping from his clit. That was a joke we made. We always called the head of the penis the "clit". He looked at me, then the pictures, he stayed with his eyes on the pictures. He made a groan. I took "side-table lamp" and batted 1000. I heard that he was out of it for at least 6 weeks. I had a picture in my head of him using crouches with his injury.

I later found out that the picture was of Green Puppy. They stayed together for another 2 days. I am not sure if us breaking up was worth it because of the few cheap fucks he got from Green. I also found out that in 10th grade he had sex with Mrs. Marigold, my dog's teacher.

So not only is he a cheating fuck. He is a bi-sexual. I feel kind of grossed out. Not that it's kind of like having sex with a women, that it is kind of having sex with a 60 year-old woman.

I came back to his apartment late that night. He was out on the bed. He had a big bandage on his love pump, and a empty bottle of 500 Tylenol next to him. I called an Ambulance, and requested that he go to the same hospital. Let him be embarrassed.

Now all this to say, doesnt make me clean. I cheated on him alot. I had at least 3 "significant others". The sex was only good because it gave me a rush whenever I did it with them. The rush was from knowing that I was cheating on him and he never knew. But he eventually found out with the second one. I still did it with him, and the another too.

Since Periwinkle, I've had two other lovers. One of them was only for a few weeks, his name was Tico the squirell, but thats from another TV show, so I cant really talk about that one.

The other one was with Purple Kangaroo. Not too much to say about that one. Except it does help that he bounced up and down a lot.

The worst thing I have ever done envolved my cousin, Joe. He came to town and was lonely. We pretended not to be cousins for a little while. I only gave him hand, but he wanted more. Once I realised how gross it was, I stopped and threw him out. He had come to replace me so I could go to college. I told him he could go wank his way to college instead. That's all that happened. 


	3. I'm In a Rut

Blues Clues; the Most Scandalous Days of our Lives

Part 3

I'm in a rut.

Every day is the same now. I wake up. I eat breakfast. I go to work. I work at "Rick's Hot Mamas" as a bouncer. "Rick's Hot Mamas" is a 24/7 strip joint. My job is as a bouncer. But no ordinary bouncer who breaks up drunken fights. I'm a stripper-separator. I stand outside of the changing room, and when they get in a fight over a g-string, or implants, I bust in. I have to stand my post, watching everything threw a little peephole. I was hired because most guys would be looking in there and jerking off. But not me, I take my job seriously.

When I do have to bust in, I can't use any force against the strippers. I have to give them a nice compliment and then they start talking to me about manicures and such. For an example:

"YOU STUPID WHORE USED MY BABY OIL ON YOUR THEIGHS!" one would scream.

"MAYBE SO, BUT YOU USED MY MICRO BIKINI LAST WEEKEND! YOU BITCH!" they would yell until I would come in.

"Ladies, ladies. Wow! Your hair looks great, where do you go? It looks like you have absolutely NO split ends." They would start jumping on me telling me all the best places to get your hair cut, nails done, backs waxed, and even a place to set up a cell phone plan while getting tanned.

Sometimes I imagine what sex with a woman is like. But then I forget and laugh. They are so stupid. They actually think the bill for equal rights for women has passed the courts. Here is a real fact: it hasn't. That's just some bullshit explaining why I'm a homosexual.

I know I'm different. I know by the nicknames I get. Like "Peter-Puffer", "Bulge-Magnet" and "The Texan" (he sure don't look like a steer to me, so it narrows it down a bit!). I also know I'm different because I have much different word choice then most. Instead of saying

"WOW! THATS SO GAY!"

I say

"Oh my gosh, that is SO hetero!"

I am gay. But I have standards. Well, at least now I do. Maybe that's why I haven't had any new men over recently. I wonder if straight bachelors go through the same stress as I do. Going to nightclubs, trying to get laid, and then waking up the next morning trying to get paid. It seems different in my opinion. Then again, I'm not straight so I'll never know.

Back to today. After I had the run-in with Periwinkle, I went back to making my breakfast. I make my eggs poached. Maybe the damn salmonella will kill me before I do. I only make breakfast for myself, because most of my "friends" have moved out. Except for two, Tickety-Tock, my clock who you have already been introduced to, and Pail.

Pail had another friend, Shovel. But Shovel wanted to move to the big city, and Pail is the suburb kind of guy. So they split up, ending what would be known as the "Shovel and Pail" legacy. Pail is always outside, in the sandbox. We have let the sandbox go. No body has cleaned it, and there is grass growing in it. Pail just stands there, crying silently. He tried to kill himself 8 times by jumping off the roof. But he is made of sturdy plastic, so he always has survived. He has even given us the courtesy of letting us get lawn chairs, so we can watch his attempts. We've sent them to America's Funniest Videos, but they always send this reply:

"OMGFG LMAO WTF ROFL, dudes, Pails are inanimate objects. Get a life."

After I eat my breakfast, I put on my face and my best jeans and shirt. Then I get ready for the worst strippers alive.

Since it's a 24/7 strip joint, they need a lot more "girls" then other places. So some of them lack in quality. Currently, I have the 7 AM - 5 PM shift. This is when the all the freaks of the night make their money as strippers, or spend it on strippers.

PLEASE COMMENT!


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